doodledogma.com

Hey there folks, and sp*mmers?  Wow, I signed into my account the other day and found 200+ sp*m comments.  I signed in again tonight and there were nine new ones.  I have also noticed a lot of this nonsense in comment sections of ‘real’ websites.  Do people really follow these links or buy these questionable products?  I guess they do…

Anywho, back to me, ha!  Where have I been you might ask.  I’ve been here, just not feeling much like writing.  I am still in school, although not doing as well as I would like to do or have done in the past.  When I left college 20+ years ago, I had a 3.8 gpa.  Not too shabby.  This time around, I am not sure what grades I am going to get.  I do well in class and answer questions, participate in the class discussion and get the answers right.  Now, on tests and papers, I am not doing so well.  See, I am supposed to be taking History classes but it feels like I am taking film classes.  I have the same professor for both classes and I do enjoy the classes and the discussions, but I am supposed to be taking History classes.  We shall see.

I have been out of work for over a year.  It is frustrating, humiliating, humbling, tiring, etc.  I work 40+ hours a week trying to find work.  I have sent out over 5,000 resumes and made over 10,000 phone calls.  I have had my resume rewritten 4 times.  The ‘experts’ say the ‘recession’ is slowly ending.  I’m not seeing that.  I am also tired of people refering to this as a recession.  This is a depression.  Why not call it what it is?  What are people in 100 years from now going to say?  It would be really interesting to hear their take on all that is happening right now, because I don’t know how we fix this mess.  I know the folks in D.C. don’t know how to fix it or how to help us fix it.  It will be interesting to read this post 10 years from now.

Will I be angry with myself for being so down?  Will I understand?  Will the U.S. exist the way it does now?

Jeez, I made that comment to my mother without thinking ahead.  I got the usual baby boomer stuff about how every man in her generation willingly served in the military and how I should never forget all that these men fought for and how they fought to protect our freedom and that without their sacrifice, I would not have the chances that I have now.  Well, while I respect anyone who serves in our military, I am not seeing a whole lot of chances right now.  I have worked very hard since I was 15 years old and right now, I would, my family and I would not have a home without my parent’s help.  I will never be able to thank them enough for all they have done for me, never.  But, the crap that is fed to us, “Work hard and you can be anything you want to be”, is just that, crap.

Yes, I am negative, negative, negative right now.  Anyone who says they never feel this way is a big, fat liar.  Everyone gets down, everyone feels horrible sometimes.  Right now, I am exhausted. 

If you have read this far, I congratulate you.  This post is a rambling, strange one.  Sorry for that.  I will try to be more positive in future posts.  I am still not sure anyone is reading this.  I would like to be one of those cool bloggers who gets noticed and read all the time, but I am not sure how to do it.  As I said about my classes, we shall see.  In the meantime, I will just keep posting my posts.  I do feel better after I write, although I am sure some folks would say that I should just put this all in a Word document and keep it totally private.  They might be right.

We shall see.